A TMS List

up:: TMS MOC X:: tags::#on/tms

The following lists will help you identify what aspects of your past, present, and personality attribute to your symptoms. You may use this page as a template for your own journal, or print this out for hand-written entries.

Some aspect of these lists will be part of every journal exercise you do. Each list has 15 places to be filled in, but don’t feel like you have to complete these lists all at once. You will be adding to these lists throughout the program, so keep your lists in a safe place, somewhere that no one else will find.

Past Traumatic Events and Experiences

1. Moving to Malaysia after Tito Bong’s incident Age: 2004 - So 17 years old

2. Pitching in a baseball game and feeling so watched and observed. Feeling like my effort was not appreciated Age: maybe 15 years old

3. Molesting my sister, which I’ve never talked about in public ever even in SA Age: maybe 12 years old? I don’t know honestly

4. Waking up early in the morning to watch pornography? Traumatic maybe Age: 12 years old

5. Fighting with papa very intensely Age: 17 or 18

6. The second time papa got mad at me. And he apologized. But it didn’t feel authentic Age: 20

7. Feeling like I had to perform and be perfect- maybe doing tricks as a kid Age: 5

I was always made to do tricks

8. Trying to be perfect all the time. Sacristan in church Age: 8

9. I remember Martin telling me that I always flex my experience: Dominant controlling child Age: 8

Maybe I was more of a controller than I remember. It’s only now that I become an avoider

10. Doing group projects all by myself. 4th year- with Edric Dy; He did nothing. I did all the work and we dissolved that pairing Age: 17

11. I did not accept the class presidency. I didn’t want to do it. I passed it on to someone else. Full avoider Age: 17

12. I failed to do my role as vice president. I missed the varsity days and we got kicked out of basketball. I had to beg to Mr. Posadas to let us back in. I really felt like a child then Age: 17

13. I got lectured a whole period by Ms. Malilin, for nothing. Age: 11

14. Not being able to stand up to my classmates. You I jokingly identified as bullies. But in some way I didn’t mind playing that role Age: 11

15. Arbie Ting harassing all day during breaks. Walking around and trying to grab my dick. I had to keep walking around campus all day. Age: 11

Current Events and Stresses

1. Living through the pandemic - making a living in 2020-2022

2. Trying to have a child

3. The idea of raising a child

4. Seeing other people have children

5. Wanting to succeed in business but struggling

6. Not having a good relationship with my father

7. Alexa’s body is struggling

8. I feel like I’m not having an easy time making money

9. I feel like I don’t have enough time to work.

10. I feel insecure with my in-laws when it comes to money

11. I feel like my father doesn’t really want to talk to me and work with me

Personality Traits