Going on a hike- running out of water
I don’t think I’ve ever been TRULY thirsty in my life.
I’ve thought about it, and was trying to come up with a time when I remember truly being thirsty and worried about my next drink.
But I’ve got nothing.
The closest I can think of is one time when I climbed Mount Mariveles in Bataan last year.
It was a 6 hour hike and I stupidly brought just one liter of water. I didn’t know what I was getting into And I wasn’t prepared.
So by the time I reached summit, I had already run out of water, and I was only 3 hours into the trek.
I was going to have to head back down the mountain without any water at all.
Was I thirsty? Sure I wanted a drink. But was I DYING of thirst? That seems a bit extreme.
I was uncomfortable for sure. I wanted it to end. I was REALLY looking forward to getting a drink.
But I definitely was not at the point where I could think of nothing but water.
Eating Dried Fish
This does remind me of a story from the spiritual tradition:
“A novice in the seminary wished to have a vision of Jesus Christ in his dreams, but despite his best efforst to contemplate and meditate, he was incapable of achieving this vision. So he approached his superior and asked for advice.
His superior said: ‘My son, this evening, you must eat a lot of salted fish (daing), then perform your prayers and go to bed without drinking any water. Then you will receive your vision.’
The novice followed this advice
That night, he spent the whole night dreaming he was drinking from streams, fountains and springs. When morning came, he ran crying to his superior: “O Master, I did not have my vision of Christ. I was so thirsty that all I dreamed about was drinking from fountains and springs. I am still on fire with thirst.”
And his superior told him: “So eating salter fish gave you such a thirst that you dreamed all night of nothing but water. Now you must feel the same thirst for Jesus, and you will behold him in his blessed beauty.”
It is a simple story to make a quick point.
When you’re really thirsty you can only think about one thing. Whether it’s water, or seeing Jesus, it has to be the only thing on your mind
Have you ever desired anything so much that it consumed all your thoughts? What is your most powerful desire? What are you most thirsty for?
Jesus’ thirst
In John’s Gospel, when Jesus knew that all was finished, he said “I am thirsty.”
Usual interpretations talk about Jesus’ thirst for his people. He desires our salvation. He is thirsty for souls. He wants to deliver the world from sin.
These are beautiful interpretations.
And today I’m noticing how uncomfortable it feels. Like running out of water on a hike Like eating salted fish without water
Thirst isn’t just desire. It’s desire to the point of physical discomfort It’s about squirming in bed from being thirsty.
If it’s about wanting so bad that it’s physically uncomfortable, I can’t think of any better description of Jesus being on the cross.
He is so focused on what he wants that it hurts. Quite literally
He desires our salvations so much that it’s the only thing he can think about. That’s what I see when I see a thirsty Jesus on the cross.
What is it like to desire one thing only so much that I cannot think about anything else?
What physical thirst feels like
The physiologists who specialize in thirst seem never to have experienced it.
This surprises me.
You would think that someone interested in thirst would want to stop drinking for a while.
It is easy to arrange, and can be done safely.
But the physiologists pursue knowledge, not experience.
They use words based in Greek, which soften the subject.
For instance, they would describe the Sahara — the burning sand, the fierce, relentless sky — as dipsogenic, meaning “thirst-provoking.”
In discussing Lag Lag’s case, they might say he progressed from eudipsia, meaning “ordinary thirst,” through bouts of hyperdipsia, meaning “temporary intense thirst,” to polydipsia, by which they mean “sustained, excessive thirst.”
We can define it more precisely: since poly means “many,” polydipsia means “the kind of thirst that drives you to drink anything. ”
There are specialized terms for such behavior, including uriposia, “the drinking of urine,” and hemoposia, “the drinking of blood.”
For word enthusiasts, this is heady stuff.
Nonetheless, the lexicon has not kept up with technology.
Blame the ancients for not driving cars. I have tried, and cannot coin a suitable word for “the drinking of radiator coolant.”
Getting pulled in different directions
I am struck by how this is so VERY not my experience today.
Unlike Jesus on the cross, I feel like I’m pulled in a thousand different directions.
One minute I’m thinking about writing this sharing Then I’m jumping to a YouTube video Suddenly my Viber rings and there’s a message. I hear the doorbell and a delivery has arrived. What was I doing again? Oh yes! I was writing Hmm. I wonder what’s for dinner ding another notification
My mind is all over the place (At best) And tends to feel hijacked (at worst) Work, social media, chores, errands I need to go to the bank. I need to pick this my clothes.
My experience today is that I am SO not able to focus on one thing only.
There’s a reason the movie Everything Everywhere All at Once was so popular last year.
Why choose one thing when I can be everything? Why choose one place when I can be everywhere?
What is happening in this world? What are all these gadgets? Who are these people? It’s all TOO much.
I need it to stop.
Trying to stop the noise
How can I stop being pulled apart?
Mediation? Mindfulness? Prayer? Brathing?
Isn’t that all the range now. Go on another retreat Attend another talk Download a new meditation app Read another book on contemplation
It’s not stopping. Somehow it isn’t exactly what I’m thirsty for.
Spirituality of Imperfection
I’m reminded of St. Thérèse of Lisieux who shares a story from her childhood.
When her older sister, Léonie was getting too old to play with her dolls, she put them in a basket with the dolls and play dresses. She gave them to her younger sisters, Céline and Thérèse. saying, “Here dears, choose whichever one you like.”
Céline saw a ball of wool that she wanted, and took that.
Two year old Thérèse looks at the basket, the dolls, and the dresses, and declares “I choose everything.” And she took the whole basket with her.
I also want everything
And I feel this in myself too- I want everything.
I want to a be in prayer and in mass, but when I am there I also want to think about other things.
I want to choose simplicity, but I also want comfort, travel, or the many great experiences of this world.
I want to live humbly, but I also want a good repuation, to be respected and liked by people around me.
I want everything.
The man who wills one thing
The cleanest definition of saintfood for me comes from Soren Kirekegaard who said: “to be a saint, it to will the one thing.”
“to be a saint, it to will the one thing.”
Not to be distracted. Not to lose focus. Not to try to choose everything. But to choose one thing only.
It is not easy to be so single minded- to will one THE ONE THING
But this Jesus on the cross
When Jesus is on the cross, and he says he’s thirsty- That is his singular focus His powerful desire That he only wants one thing And nothing else matters
He doesn’t want it all He want one thing only
“Seek first the kingdom, and all things shall be added”
Why am I not thirstier?
So why am I stuck? Why am I distracted? Why am I not thirsty enough?
Why is my mind going from place to place to place to place?
Why can’t I be thirsty for God to the point that God is all I can think about?
I have been truly thirsty in the past
I said at the start that I haven’t been TRULY thirsty in my life.
But I realize that’s not completely true.
During the pandemic, I was not physically allowed to go to mass. And while I am grateful that we could participate in online mass— I could feel myself getting thirstier and thirstier.
I didn’t want to just take in sips I wanted to drink deeply
I was so thirsty then…
15 years ago I lived in China for 1 year.
I visited a town where there was 1 church in the whole city. And it was a good 3 hour drive from where I was There was only 1 church in the whole city, and it was a 2 hour drive.
When I went to mass it was completely different. No mumbling of prayers and ‘Our Fathers’ No half hearted responses
Just true thirst- and people so thankful to be drinking Living Water.
Water is only valuable, and amazing for the person who is truly thirsty. And Living Water is life giving, only to the person who has this thirst too.
Isaiah 55:1-2
My all-time favorite verse in the bible is from the book of Isaiah
1 “Ho, every one who thirsts, come to the waters; and he who has no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without price.
2 Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread, and your labor for that which does not satisfy? Hearken diligently to me, and eat what is good, and delight yourselves in fatness.
You will hear this verse again during the Easter Vigil Mass.
But I love this verse because of its promise. It’s so simple and clear. Are you thirsty? This will quench your thirst. Are you tired? Are you hungry? This will fill you up.
Isaiah makes it sound so simple— and in many ways it is simple. But it’s not always easy to do.
Not because Living Water is not there. But because I forget how thirsty I actually am.
Remembering my thirst
Face to face mass is back. I haven’t been to China in a long time
And I’m already forgetting how thirsty I was those 15 years ago I’m already forgetting how thirsty I was just 2 years ago! I forget how thirsty I STILL am today
Jumping from my phone, to the TV, to my work, to my errands
It’s like drinking juice, then coffee, then a coke, and an iced tea
But never drinking Living Water. That one thing that can quench my thirst.
And remembering that I am thirsty is the challenge
It’s a hard choice to will the one thing, And sustaining the emotional, physical, and spiritual asceticism needed to protect that choice.
Jesus is thirstier than I’ve ever been
When Jesus on the cross says he is thirsty. What does he mean?
I don’t know.
What I know today is that his thirst is desire and focus. It is the single dedication to the ONE thing that matters above all and more than anything else.
Jesus wants it so bad that it hurts. It’s physically uncomfortable.
Jesus wants more than anything to do the fathers will
Back to the hike
When I was at the top of that mountain, going on my hike, running out of water at the summit, with 3 hours left to go.
I think I was thirsty up there too.
I go up to mountains because there are no screens. There’s no work. There’s no signal.
It’s just me and God’s creation. Being up there reminds me of what matters.
And it’s a reminder to be thirsty. But I’ll still bring more water with me next time I hike